margot k.

working in the city

2012-01-20T07:17:00.000-08:00

The top of the Met Life building in New York City. Really, really cold but such a spectacular view. It's definitely one of the perks to working in the film business. I get the opportunity to see things I wouldn't ordinarily have access to.

It felt very apocalyptic up there.

cold weather

2012-01-17T12:01:00.000-08:00

We went to see a birds of prey demonstration. It was cold but worth it.

this little sol whet owl was my favorite

Then quickly back home....

Sorry about the unevenly spaced photos. I played with it for quite awhile and just couldn't get them to line up. It's just one of those days were things aren't lining up!

working through it

2012-01-16T06:38:00.000-08:00

In all the sadness of last week, I forgot to tell you about these. Beacon Open Studios is doing a fundraiser called The Big Draw.They asked artists to submit up to 3 works on paper that are 6x8 inches. All are being sold for $50 with half the money going to open studios and half to the artists. I really love selling art for a reasonable price. I want what I make to be appreciated out in the world instead of sitting in a corner,collecting dust and I believe everyone should be able to afford art. This kind of show makes me really happy. Now, here's the thing: I've come to realize that I can really only work with a deadline so this was good! What was bad was the process of figuring out what to make. There was some nasty stuff said about myself. I made the dog and bird ( after some other false starts), got really frustrated and stopped working. When my husband woke up and I told him about how "I can't make anything, and what's the point!" I showed him what I had done. He response was" what's wrong with those?"I looked again and realized that I actually liked them. I slumped off and made the rabbit. Which leads me to the second part of my " here's the thing" thing: I'm so used to thinking that I can't do it that it clouds my ability to see what's right in front of my eyes. These bad habits are so hard to break!

I made these before I heard the news about Jan Groover so it's understandable that I wasn't ready to show the world these when I was feeling so sad and lost. I went to work this week, which was really good for stepping out of my head a bit. I came home friday night to an email about how all of my pieces had sold before the show even opened. crazy. wonderful. scary. Here's me making myself( and Jan) proud.

2012-01-13T06:47:00.000-08:00

I've thought so much these last few days of Jan's influence on me. I've read on facebook and other websites about the impact she had on so many people. The thing I keep coming back to is that it wasn't just a way of seeing art but a way of being in the world. Many have mentioned that it wasn't unusual for a student to cry at some point in her class. I wasn't one of them but I understand why someone would. I always left her class exhausted. Jan insisted on you being present. She insisted that you show up in your art. She made you look at what for some may have been too uncomfortable to recognize. She made you see the little spaces in between, all the parts. And she called bullshit when you refused. I've struggled so much in my life with this idea. A good friend of mine has been writing a book for years about his demons. We talk a lot about the artistic process and how your demons won't let you see all the parts for fear that if you saw all the pieces, you would solve the puzzle and the demons would lose. Jan insisted that you see all the parts. It was painful sometimes. I've made some internal adjustments this week in honor of her. It's scary which is how I know that it's the right thing. I've been shaking for days. I feel foolish saying that I miss her after not seeing her for years but I feel the loss of her presence. A friend recently wrote,

"She lives on in so many of us and certainly a privilege, if so. I do think she knew she was loved by her sprouts. let's try to make her proud".

I will. Thank you, Jan.

a sad day now

2012-01-08T10:24:00.000-08:00

Jan Groover was the first person who taught me to see.
I read today that she died on January 1, 2012.
She was my teacher and mentor in college. She was the first person who taught me to trust my vision. The first person who made me feel like what I had to say as an artist was worthwhile. When she asked me to house sit for them during christmas break I felt like it was the highest honor. She and her husband Bruce lived on the Bowery in a huge loft that was tucked between restaurant supply stores. It was pretty sketchy at night but I didn't mind. In their living room they had floor to ceiling photographs by Weegee, Walker Evans and countless others. She had a darkroom and a still life studio. Bruce had his own painting studio.It was an artist's playground.It was so foreign to me. One night me and John Tremblay, ( another house sitter at times), cooked shrimp scampi with pasta (what we considered to be a sophisticated dish), acting as if their home was ours, playing at being artist, even though we already were and just didn't know it ( or I didn't know it). Their art was their lives. One time she hired me to help her out in the studio and while we were going through some prints, I accidently called her Mom. A freudian slip but also, she was my artistic mother, guiding me through an artistic life, nudging me without force. Throughout the years she hired me to make prints for her. At the time I was nothing but grateful, as I still am, but now I wonder, " why did she hire me?" " I couldn't have been that great a printer? I like to think she saw something in me. I hope she did. She and Bruce sold off their photos and moved to a house in rural France. We stayed in touch for awhile. Sometimes I would print for her when she came back to the states.
She got sick. Stomach cancer? I never really knew. I did know that she smoked a lot( remember her buying stakes of merits at Purchase?), enjoyed food and drink. They didn't have kids so their lives were for themselves it seemed.

For years, I would write to her apologizing for not taking pictures. She finally pointed it out to me explaining that it just doesn't matter what I do. Her lack of disappointment in me was such a relief. In 2004 we moved upstate. I had asked our neighbors across the street to check in on our dog when we needed to be away for a long day. I went over to drop of our keys and the first thing I saw, upon entering their home, was a photograph by Jan. The couple had been her students the first year she taught at SUNY Purchase. It was so comforting to know that wherever I went, Jan would somehow always be with me. I expect it to take a while for the knowledge that she is gone to sink in. I think about her all the time. In every piece of art that I make. I've mentioned her here, here and here. We weren't in touch these last 5 years or so but I know that she's always been with me. I wish I had written that last letter. I wish there was one last time. I can't believe your not here anymore.

happy new year!

2012-01-01T17:25:00.000-08:00

This is our xmas kitty. Everyday there was more and more pine needles on the floor and fallen ornaments. She's very feisty. She's biting my hand right now so I'm typing with the other. It's taking a long time to type.

The Transit Museum at Grand Central Station. The first of our city adventures over xmas break.

I'm preparing for the next open studio in Beacon. They're doing it in April now so I don't have much time. I've been thinking a lot about style. I keep thinking I should work within my "style" but what if I want to do something completely different? Shea Hembrey seemed to come up with a good solution for this. J would say that it doesn't matter what or how you make it. What unifies it is that I made it. I like that thinking. I'm looking forward to school starting again for j. It's been really fun but I kind of need to get back to making stuff. I tired to keep it going during the winter break. A duct tape wallet gift, some cashmere fingerless mittens for me from an old sweater. A drawing of a hippo. I need to devote some real time now. maybe that's a resolution? Yes,that and to see more of the people who really matter to us.
I'm liking me a lot more these days. It's nice.
I'm going to keep that going as well.

Oh, and thank you Cappy for reminding me to this!

craft fair!

2011-12-09T09:02:00.001-08:00

I struggle a bit with making stuff( contributing to consumerism or just making more stuff in a world that already has too much stuff) but the truth of it is I REALLY LIKE making stuff. I don't do a lot of craft fairs because it's not really worth it for me. I don't charge a lot because I want people to own my stuff. I know times are tight. I end up making enough to support my habit which is really okay with me. Anyway, I'm participating in a local craft fair this weekend at the Howland in Beacon. If you're in town tomorrow,swing by!

Here's a sample of some stuff I'll be selling that uses that felt I was working with in the last post..

And, oh, in case you didn't notice, I got my hair cut! I'll go for super short in the spring but I figured I'd play a bit now while I still had some length. Kendra cut it, ( Radhair by kendra. She's on facebook) and then blew it straight. For me straight hair is playing dress up. I can't help flipping it about because curly hair doesn't really flip. Little J said it was so soft that he wanted to sleep on it like a pillow. I'm not showering for a few days just to play more so you might not wanna get to close to me...

leftovers

2011-11-30T09:47:00.001-08:00

I did a job recently that used flash bulbs. It was shot high speed and then the film( or digital information) will be played back so that the flash seems to last a long time. I was mostly interested in the bulbs. These are pictures of them after they were spent.

I'm always looking at the beauty in our trash( have you seen Wasteland?) The lovely Sarah, from zero to go, has hooked up with a company that is interested in getting rid of some of it's excess materials to artists and crafters to see what they could come up with. Here's some industrial felt that I've been playing with

some little zipper pouches!

a tote

and a backpack

and some coasters!

Dia 2011

2011-11-14T05:50:00.001-08:00

This past weekend was community free day at DIA:Beacon. j has been talking about going again and even though I wanted to go to Occupy Poughkeepsie I figured I should take advantage of him wanting to go to a museum. We had a really great time. It's taken me long time to come around to contemporary, conceptual art. I have a deep appreciation for it now and wanted to share some of what I've come to love with j. He was off and exploring pretty quickly.Each Dan Flavin piece became either a rocket ship or a gun. We had a long discussion about color with Imi Knoebel's work. The museum has couches all over the place because you need to sit down every now and then. We stopped and sat on a comfy couch in front of a piece by Lawerence Weiner. I had never had the patience to figure it out before but now,resting, we started a conversation about it and finally I was able to get it. Seeing it through the lens of a 5 year old was really something worth experiencing.One of my favorite pieces is by Gerhard Richter. It's huge panels of smoky mirrored glass hung on the walls at slightly off angles. I've sat on the couches there before delighted by all the reflections in them. We started to talk about it and after seeing out reflection in the glass, j said " it's like we are the art". I will never go to a museum without him again!

And of course, the Richard Serra pieces. j ran through each of them, exhausted and elated at the same time.

You're not really supposed to take photos at the museum but I can't resist. Here's j keeping an eye out for the guards.

I feel like, slowly, the well is getting restocked.

2011-11-12T05:13:00.001-08:00

I was not supposed to be gone for this long!

Here's a brief summary of the last few months....

wet august,

busy September( lots of art making)

invasion of stink bugs( see photos below)

ridiculously busy October( and not in the good way- one too many music videos and general unpleasant work that would have destroyed me had I not been surrounded by mostly good people)

no power for 4 and a half days due to the freakishly early snow storm

Halloween

horrible stomach flu that me and J got Halloween night( not fun puking in a freezing house with no electricity, no water and no heat)

Wisconsin for work( my once a year opportunity to sleep in a hotel room. HEAVEN!)

Now, all the good stuff that came out of this?

I've realized that I really can't go this long without being creative. It makes me really unhappy if I do

I think that once you start down the path of self-awareness, you can't ever pretend you don't know about it. I've started to picture my life like a video game made up of levels that you need to continually solve and move on from. Each level arms you with more tools to help you face the next challenge and just when you think you might be done fighting the demons, along comes a smarter, trickier one to try and psych you out.

Life, for me, really is a work in progress.

I'm going to try not to go so long again without posting. It feels so much better when I can check in here.

Hope everyone is good!

And I'm now taking suggestions short haircut ideas- feeling lime I need to shake up the outside a bit!

Done.

2011-09-26T07:38:00.000-07:00

The weather was great, a nice flow of people all weekend and a chance to sit and talk with some new people about art. And truck city was a huge success! I'm already looking forward to next year. Today is grey and it seems the weather reflects the let down after all the build up. It's still so new for me to except that this is who I am. A person that lives a creative life. I'm now in that place where there's no turning back. Not that I would want to just the unease of remembering a long period of my life where I felt so stuck. Kind of painful to revisit but I think those memories are the things that keep me moving forward.

I was talking to someone over the weekend about how the creative movement really started for me after my son was born. I started painting with the idea that I was making stuff to hang in his room. Kind of taking the back door into art because to walk boldly into it was just too scary! I'm finding myself loving the back doors.

I really fell in love with the whole truck thing.

Kids in the truck!

The lounge area. I wanted people to feel relaxed, comfortable.

cookies and lemonade

some new pieces I made

hmmmm....

2011-09-13T06:16:00.000-07:00

I didn't mean for so much time to go by before a new post. I had big plans! My birthday passed and I was going to talk about all the things I've learned this year and then.....I'm not sure what happened? I do know that I've been gearing up for school to start for Little J so that I could get back to making art. Taking huge amounts of time off from creative work is not a good idea for me. I found myself fantasizing about all the projects I can start when I get my days back. And then, I get my days back and because I haven't been in the habit of making something everyday, the panic sets in and I start to feel like a fraud. The Open Studios in Beacon are happening at the end of the month. I've been so looking forward to it. I'm feeling pretty stuck right now and not sure what direction to go in. It doesn't help that I have exactly 38 and a half hours in which to make a bunch of pieces. So, in an attempt to clear my mind and just move forward, here's a post.

Little J has been missing our pets lately and feels compelled to touch every animal we see. This is Buddy from lawrence farms. He's still pretty young. Maybe 2 years old?

And this is my birthday present! It was Little j's idea. Thanks you so much J and j. She was a rescue kitten. I didn't think I was ready for a new cat but I've realized that there's always room in your heart. She's quite feisty. And lovely

random things

2011-08-21T16:45:00.000-07:00

some stuff...

2011-08-03T08:49:00.000-07:00

Little J is in camp this week and while I didn't expect to get much done, I realized that if I don't do any of the things I don't want to do,( laundry, cleaning, bills) I can do stuff I want to do!

It's good to be back at it. I'm participating in Beacon Open Studios again and I figured I should probably have some stuff to show. It's a start!

This is completely borrowed from a photo I saw in a magazine. I would like to give the photographer credit but can't remember where I saw it. If you know who it is let me know. Thanks

missing you

2011-07-28T15:18:00.000-07:00

Hello dear Blog!

I've missed you! I've been trying to practice being present and aware which can be pretty challenging especially when sometimes all you want to do is checkout because you can't possibly play anymore super hero games. We knew that the summer might be a little bit of a struggle for us because Little J is mostly hanging out with us. ( Thankfully we have Splashdown Beach!) Of course what this also means is my having a hard time carving out time and space for me to make art. So, I've decided that I'll have to make it where and when I can. Here's some playground benches.

I'm kind of intrigued by the little bits of space in between. I used to only to take pictures of vast land/cityscapes. I think it's interesting how lately I can't seem to get close enough. It seems I'm mostly interested in the small intimate space between.

This is Storm King. If you're ever in the Hudson valley you should check it out. My friend and I took the kids. Make art where you can. Especially if you're among art.

I think this piece is amazing. Kind of haunting and of other world.

I'm going to try and stay on it. Or at least be committed to re-filling the well of inspiration when I feel like it's running dry. Thanks for looking.

summer

2011-07-17T07:30:00.000-07:00

moving ahead

2011-07-07T07:38:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a lot lately about letting your self be the person you are ( I'm not big on self help books so this is kind of a big deal!)and trying to let go of your sense of identity- mom, wife, sister, daughter, artist,worker. I guess the idea is that once you let go of these things, you discover that you are MORE you without the tags. It's been pretty liberating. Did I mention this thing about not taking life personally. That has really been amazing! The big one right now is accepting that the only thing I can change is my perspective. I think that's one of the reasons that photography makes so much sense . That's all it is. Shifting how you see the world. Here's the world from above

and sometimes you need to be at eye level to appreciate something.

Or maybe a little below

Breathing is good too. And embracing all the wonder that's out there even in the face of fear. Did you see Pan's Labyrinth?
How wonderfully scared and curious she was. I hope to be more like her everyday.

more sad news

2011-06-26T19:55:00.000-07:00

We noticed over the last few weeks that our cat seemed to be slowing down a bit. We took her to the vet and left her there over night for some tests. The next morning, at 7 the doctor called to say she wasn't doing well and I should come get her. She was barely moving. I brought her home and sat next to her checking to make sure she was still breathing. After 2 hours, she coughed a few times. Her breathing slowed and very gently she moved on. She's been with me for 16 years. She saw me through painful breakups, marriage, September 11, pregnancy, parenthood. I read recently that life will give you whatever experience is most helpful in order for you to grow. It seems that both our pets knew when their work was done.

I miss her so. Rest in peace good friend

dance of spring

2011-06-08T05:56:00.000-07:00

These little guys are letting me know spring is here( even though it's supposed to be 97 degrees today!)

I haven't meant to be gone this long. Here are some fast and sloppy photos just to let you know I'm still making stuff even though it feels really inconsistent these days

art guitar!

2011-05-26T06:22:00.000-07:00

Last year Local 845 put on it's first Beacon Riverfest. This year to help raise money for this free outdoor concert, they cut 50 plywood guitar and gave them to local artist to be painted, decorated, whatever. The guitars will be auctioned off on June 18th. I was really excited about it at first and then I hit a wall. I was really confused by the shape. It was hard for me to break out of the four corners idea. There was also some crazy family stuff going on so I was having a hard time staying focused. Finally I just let go and and this is what I came up. It's funny how letting go really just let's you be you. I'm going to try to remember that for next time so I can avoid all the drama!

been too long!

2011-05-23T05:56:00.000-07:00

I've found myself on jobs that take place up high in office buildings. I love seeing New York from different angles. There's always something new to discover. Like this painted road. And the Mary Poppins banner.

Then of course, there's the other New York. The one found in prospect park. With Llamas! I've always loved these guys because one showered me with kisses when I was very small. We had a really nice day with Aunt Y.

On the drive back upstate, big J noticed this sign.

On the way to work I noticed this shrine. A man walking by told me the story. The man in the photo had killed himself a few weeks earlier. He loved dogs and had recently saved the one featured in the shrine from an oncoming truck. The next day he jumped off a building but not before he made sure that the dog had a new home. Rest in peace, sir. I'm sorry you're life was too painful.

Here I am

2011-05-09T06:27:00.000-07:00

A friend posted this on facebook. I love these talks from TED. Each one is more inspiring than the next. This one really says it all for me. This is why I make art. This is why I have a blog. Thank you all for connecting us.

Things we find

2011-04-28T05:48:00.000-07:00

We planted a dwarf peach tree right in front of our house a few years ago. It was supposed to stop growing at 5 feet. Last summer I trimmed it at 8 feet. Probably not so good to have a tree settling it's roots right under the foundation of the house? It's given us some peaches that never really ripened. These are the blooms. I always get so excited about them. These tiny little heads that finally wake after a long winter!

I'm really into yellow and grey these days. I think we all are.

And some evidence of the passage of time

rebirth

2011-04-24T09:08:00.000-07:00

I guess that's what spring is meant for. Today is Easter. I'm not religious but I like the idea of celebrating new growth. Little J found a branch that had fallen off our lilac bush. He stuck it in the ground, propped it up with rocks and showed us his work proudly. We had to explain that it probably wouldn't grow. Maybe?, he said. Maybe. And today, we were out in the garden doing some much needed weeding and we discovered that the branch had sprouted! It's not such a big deal except that our family has recently been a little knocked about and the idea that new growth can come whenever and where ever has reinvigorated me. So has the strength and courage of someone I adore. And these little ducks!
Happy day to you all!
I hope you're able to find new potential and opportunity in every situation.
Even a broken branch.

springtime city/country

2011-04-14T06:14:00.000-07:00

new foundation

I'm excited about all the new growth! Can you tell?

Some info that might be helpful

2011-04-02T06:10:00.000-07:00

From Austin Kleon, how to steal like an artist. Please check this out it's pretty inspiring.

Before i die....

2011-03-25T09:29:00.000-07:00

I found this through my love for you . It's by Candy Chang an an installation artist and urban planner, among other things. It's in New Orleans. Kind of speaks for itself. There are little bowls of chalk left out. I really like it.

wednesday

2011-03-23T07:58:00.000-07:00

It's snowing again. Two days after the first day of spring and it's snowing! That might explain my crankiness. Or, I may be cranky because I'm trying to do something nice for myself which is always challenging. I had decided on this nice gift for me and now a day later ,I'm having reservations, coming up with all kinds of excuses when really the issue is, I'm anxious about doing something lovely that's just for me. It's kind of crazy how we wire our brain in such a way to prevent ourselves from getting the things we want/ need. Crazy brain!

I wanted to post a picture that would demonstrate how I'm feeling but I got nuthin'!

So here's some shapes of the city. It's funny how if you change your perspective you see things differently.

Ah ha!

That's all I need. A change of perspective. Thanks, guys.

some new pieces

2011-03-17T11:44:00.000-07:00

I'm combining sewing and painting. I use freezer paper to make stencils and then painting with screen printing ink. It's pretty satisfying.

This one is being donated to a fundraiser for Open Studios in Beacon. I think I'll make a similar one and donate the proceeds to Japan. I'll let you know when that happens.

Beautiful day

2011-03-16T08:19:00.000-07:00

The first beautiful day after the snow melted we decided on a hike up Mt. Beacon with some friends.

There used to be an old casino at the top with cable cars that would bring you up

Signs of spring!

The view from the top. Rumor has it that on a clear day you can see all the way to New York City.

The old gear house.

Some fresh dirt from a dead tree. It's nice to know that such wonderful things are born from the dead.

It was a perfect day. Exactly what I needed. And Little J hiked the whole way up!

sad day

2011-03-12T08:00:00.000-08:00

Last week I was invited to be a part of a small page on facebook called Friends Of Leslie. Leslie Stone was a woman I knew in college who I knew briefly because she dated a friend of mine. We weren't very close but we did spend some time together because she and Larry and me and my boyfriend would go up to Albany together for long weekends. I had fallen out of touch with her but thought about her from time to time. This facebook group was formed because Leslie was dying of cancer and she had decided not to continue with chemotherapy. It wasn't working and her body was failing. This page was set up so we could all stay in touch and come together, collectively taking solace in other people's stories, grief, love and respect of Leslie. People posted every day. I have been at a loss. I was never close to Leslie but I did know her and was very moved by all the beautiful loving things people had to say. And of course, it turned out, that before she moved to Omaha to die, she had been in the Hudson valley working as a graphic designer pretty close to where I now live. I've been sad all week. Most of us weren't able to be close to her physically but we were able to feel connected by the comments and stories that were posted. I'm blown away by the love, the way she inspired others and the help that people have given. I've cried many times every day in the last week. Leslie died this morning at 7:54. Rest in Peace old friend. You were most definitely loved.

funny world

2011-03-10T06:22:00.000-08:00

Back at work on top of 30 Rock in NYC. Really cold but a pretty spectacular view. It was a hard week in the the city. When I work for long periods in the city I stay with my parents. I used to stay with friends but most of us started to have kids and room is at a premium in NY. I sleep in the living room at my parents house. I refuse so sleep in my old room because it's too creepy and my parents are old and kind of hoarders. It's pretty uncomfortable there for me. So I end up trying to stay out of the house as long as possible. I end up feeling like a tourist, wondering the streets with no real place to call home. I usually start to feel sad and really miss my family. I'm home now and while it feels great to be back in my world,there's always this period of readjustment. J keeps telling me to change the story in my head. Stop telling myself it's hard and tell myself, " it's an opportunity". So while browsing my usual blogs this morning, I came across this. Funny how the world gives you what you need.

Thanks, to whip up via craftsanity.

The sun rising over NYC

2011-03-07T08:19:00.000-08:00

I was scheduled to do a job that was 7 days in the city. Luckily, they cancelled today so I was able to come home last night for a day only to go back into the city tonight for one more day. I really needed this break. really needed to reaffirm that my job is not who I am. That I'm not some lonely figure wandering the streets with a torn achilles tendon. I think I'm on the mend but walking on concrete for 5 days really didn't help.

I'm trying to just let myself do the work and remember that I'm lucky to have a job that allows me to have so much free time so that I CAN make art and raise my child and cook dinners, etc. I just spoke with a good friend and it seems like many of the people I'm close with these days are in a period of transition. Or is that just life? Always changing? Like the weather? I'm anxious to get back to my work and see what I come up with. Also, really trying to lighten up a bit. Maybe with the change in weather, a change in spirit!

passage of time

2011-02-22T06:35:00.000-08:00

I've spent many days in the city lately working. While it's always good to replenish your bank account,

( and we definitely need it now that the Subaru definitely has a blown head gasket. very sad) it's been hard to be away from home and family. February is a hard month and pretty much all of us have suffered from some anxiety that has led to colds. I'm trying to make the best of it but the art comes slowly when you're not able to maintain a groove. I'm going to keep trying. I'm starting with these pics.

On a lighter note, little j's school gave us all bird feeders for the holidays and Big J and I have have kind of become crazy bird watchers. We sit on the couch with out bird book identifying them.

I really like the dark eyed juncos. They're kind of shy and plump

These are the black capped chickadees. Very friendly and the first ones to start eating.

I found these this morning while checking out manmadediy. They're by photographer Thomas Allen. They're the covers, or inside illustrations, of pulp fiction novels. I really like them and wish I could afford to but one!

city snow

2011-02-01T11:26:00.000-08:00

We've had a lot of snow lately. There's no denying it's beauty but I'm a little over it. I walked from 94 th street and broadway to 18th street and the west side highway. In the snow. It was kind of great even though my feet were wet and cold. Then I went to work. Been working a lot. Maybe it's work that I'm over? Anyway, I think I'll take a little break soon.

crazy work

2011-01-24T07:57:00.000-08:00

I was in the city most of the week, during the snow and ice. Luckily I was inside for most of it. We were shooting in the penthouse apartment of the Hilton Hotel on 6th and 54th. While the view was pretty impressive the hotel itself was not that fabulous.

I liked this lamp

I'm experimenting with the template designer. Are the photos too big?

late afternoon sun and some friends

2011-01-13T07:12:00.000-08:00

I'm still here!

2011-01-04T09:10:00.000-08:00

Happy new year! Just a reminder to let you all know that I'm coming back. Photos soon and.. can you believe it's been over a year since I started this blog? And, I didn't celebrate? Hopefully I'll have something special as a belated happy anniversary to you, dear blog. Been a little hectic around here. Probably around there, too?
Anyway, I'm back and ready to go. My new years resolution is that I have no resolutions but I'm just gonna keep doing what I do.

a day in the city

2010-12-16T12:57:00.000-08:00

I had a job at Pier 59 studios in Chelsea which forced me to walk around the old meat packing district. It always shocks me how quickly New York City can change. I shot my senior thesis in this neighborhood when there was nothing but transvestite prostitutes and meat hooks. Now, there are designer boutiques and fancy office with glass walls. Amazing!

more cold

2010-12-08T07:08:00.000-08:00

winter frost

2010-12-06T09:01:00.000-08:00

weather

2010-12-02T08:13:00.000-08:00

It rained all day yesterday. Finally the skies cleared and today we have brilliant blue.

I've been trying to make some stock for an upcoming craft fair. I feel like a battered factory worker. But the colors are pretty!

what I'm thankful for

2010-11-30T19:30:00.000-08:00

Even though it's a few days after Thanksgiving, I'm still eating turkey so I feel like I have time to get my list in. And while I usually post an image, sometimes only an image, I'll let the words speak for themselves.

I'm thankful for:
-My boy, who keeps me on my toes and always impresses me even when he makes me nuts
-The stinkbugs who have invaded our home since September. Theses guys have forced me to overcome my fear of bugs because they show up ALL over the place. Today I found a huddle of them in my fabric stash. They stayed very still as if they thought they wouldn't be seen if they didn't move.
- My cat who has overcome last year's laziness and protected our house from the little mice that want to creep in and form their own home in the napkin drawer.
-Pecan Pie that my sister brought from Sweet Melissa's in Brooklyn
- Hair dye because I really can't deal with the grey right now
-My Mom because she hears me when I talk
-My man because he's doing the almost impossible

Thank you all.

i did it.

2010-11-28T06:08:00.000-08:00

I managed to pull it off! It's pretty crazy what a deadline can do for you. These are the pieces I made. Right before dropping them off I realized I didn't have any photos of them so I made little J stand out in the cold holding them so I could snap a few. That explains the over exposure. He was cold. I had to hurry. And I removed most of the dog/ cat hair before dropping them off.

A friend once told me that elephants don't know they're own strength and that they will accept what you train them to do. Elephants in the circus will stay chained to a flimsy pole believing that they are trapped . They haven't realized that it would only take a little tug to set themselves free.

Not sure what these are about yet but I like the direction.

In other news, Thanksgiving was successful! A perfect turkey, and 4 pies for 8 people. That works , right?

Happy Holidays!

ugh

2010-11-22T13:40:00.000-08:00

J and I had dinner the other night and I was lamenting how hard it is for me to just make stuff for the sake of making stuff. How I wished I had a deadline of some kind so I would be forced to come up something. The next day I walked into the Beacon Coffee Shoppe where there was a little announcement about a small works art show. I'm learning that you really do just have to put it out there and you will get what you want. So now of course I have 2 days to make 4 pieces.

Here's some inspiration:

Peter Crawley

King Pod

Chad Crouch

Sorry about how some of the images are cut off. You can see the whole thing on the web sites. I'm trying not to spend too much time on the computer world so it takes me a long time to figure this stuff out. Any easy suggestions?Thanks!

2010-11-21T05:05:00.000-08:00

We've built something with the tinker toys everyday! It came with a little book of some of the things you can make. It takes little j a long time to decide so we spend a lot of time arguing the pros and cons of a weather vane or a ferris wheel. This is a telescope but I talked him into it being a stationary machine gun that swivels. Sold!

I forgot about the winter light! I make my coffee first thing and am always delighted by the light.

I've mentioned Jan Groover before. She's told the story of how she didn't know how to take pictures without content. She was really interested in the formal composition and was trying to rid herself of meaning. Impossible right?. Her husband suggested taking pictures of the kitchen sink. Here's my kitchen sink photo. Not that I'm trying to rid myself of meaning. Just trying to get it going.

not what I made

2010-11-19T06:49:00.000-08:00

Maybe you 've realized that I'm trying to post more often. It's challenging because as much as I want to make something everyday ( dinner does NOT count) I'm not always able to. Here's some inspiration.

I was looking at annekata and found a post on quilts. which lead me to this at pojagi studio

This led me to the work of Tom Fruin, a friend we haven't seen in a long time. Here's a piece he recently built on site in Copenhagen for the Royal Danish Library.

These are his drug bag quilts. We used to live in a not-so great neighborhood and we'd walk our dog in the ghetto park where Big J would sometimes collect used drug bags for him . Tom sewed them together for these beautiful, stained glass looking quilts often with leftover bits of crack, heroin or pot.

what I've been doing

2010-11-18T12:43:00.000-08:00

These used to belong to me and my sister. They have all the original teeth marks from when we used to have to bite the short pieces of dowels. My mom, who verges on being a hoarder( or maybe she already is one?) saved them. While most of the time her hoarding depresses me, every now and then she comes up with something really great. Like Tinker toys! We built the ship a few days ago and today we built the rocket ship and gantry.

It even has an elevator for the astronauts to use!
And also, as you may know, I've had a hard time getting back on track with making stuff. So I'm trying. Here's a flower pin made of felted sweater, tutorial here
and while these photos are HORRIBLE I had to show off the faux fur vest I made from left over artic wolf costume material. It's really hard to take a good photo when your son NEEDS you to make a new tinker toy and all you're trying to do is take one decent self portrait! Or post to your blog. Sorry, whining and crying has ensued because it is past my alloted 2 minutes I get to do my work. Poor little guy.

the highline

2010-11-16T04:57:00.000-08:00

Finally got to check it out last week during a very short lunch break. If you haven't checked out the Highline in NYC, you should. It's pretty amazing. It's the old elevated train tracks on the west side of Manhattan that had been abandoned for many years and was pretty much an eyesore. It's been transformed into a beautiful park which my pictures don't show because.. you'll have to see for yourself. They have wooden lounge chairs that you can sit in ALL day if you have the time. Maybe that will be my next trip. Just to sit all day........

fall

2010-11-14T05:13:00.000-08:00

Here's something crazy that I just learned: these are rose hips. ( I think). Get it? the hips of a rose! I kind of love that. Apparently, you're not supposed to cut them off once the roses have died. I might be making all of this up but I'm pretty sure it's true.

Fall is here and our yard is filled with brilliant yellow leaves. I'd love to say that we've left them on the ground because we love their vibrant color but we actually just have other things we'd like to do with our time. Sorry neighbors! I know you're back yards are mowed and clean. But ours are colorful!

rainy end

2010-11-05T06:08:00.000-07:00

Little J was unhappy with the wet leaves. They don't make the same crunching sound.

happy halloween!

2010-11-01T07:31:00.000-07:00

Little J's artic wolf. cozy and warm. We had a nose but it wasn't terribly comfortable.

Fall

2010-10-29T13:05:00.000-07:00

It's here. On Sunday, before I left for a 4 day job in Tennessee ( Do NOT go to Sharkies in Jackson, Tennessee), the trees still had leaves. Now, there are very few left. The familiar deep bone chill is coming back. This year if we lose power during the winter, we'll be better prepared. We have MORE flashlights and we'll turn the mattress so that are toes stay warm by the fire. I've thought this stuff through.

Once again, I've been having a hard time getting motivated to make art which explains my lack of posts. It seems that life keeps interrupting me. I guess this is something I need to accept and work on. Maybe not be so devastated when it happens again.

I'm re reading Kafka on the Shore paying closer attention to stuff. Really liking it in a whole new way.

Oh did I mention that I never re read stuff? Something must be happening to me.

Anyway, this is just to let you all know that I'm still here, still going to be posting, just trying to get it all back on track.

Happy Halloween!

at a subway station in the city...

2010-10-12T05:27:00.000-07:00

These will be showing up in something I make. Not sure what or how but I'm really love in them. I had to be to work at 6:30 am which meant I had to take the 4:25 train down to the city. I wasn't really crazy about that part.I was kind of grumpy and then I saw these. Just proves to me that beauty is everywhere, even when you're mad about having to wake up in the middle of the night.

the battle continues....

2010-10-03T08:30:00.000-07:00

some photos from this weekend's Open Space

2010-09-28T10:38:00.000-07:00

Not the greatest pics but you get the idea. It was really fun. Lots of traffic. Justin sold a beautiful side table. I would definitely do it again next year.

The dark spot is, however, that J and his band have now lost the space. It's a big room that his band, I'm better now, uses. We showed our art in the front unused room that J had spent many hours cleaning. Apparently the management was unhappy that we tore up some broken floor tile that may have contained asbestos. It was a misunderstanding but they were also looking to get rid of the band because they could probably get more money for the space. I'm pretty sad about it as is Josh. But, those demons will still not win and we'll just find a better space

without asbestos. Thank you J for all your hard work and support. I would not have done any of this without you and your strength.

dark times

2010-09-24T06:03:00.000-07:00

Beach

2010-09-21T05:17:00.000-07:00

another wedding

2010-09-20T06:27:00.001-07:00

Cappy invited me to assist her with another wedding. The hampton's this time. Really lovely except for poor Granny with may have broken her hop on the dance floor!

Obviously no pictures of the actual wedding . I'm not so comfortable taking pictures of people. I leave that to the experts.

Did I mention that I'm participating in Beacon Open Studios this weekend?Did I also mention that I have 5 days to create some art and get the studio in order( although J has been busting his ass for me getting it cleaned and painted. I have a very good man by my side). So why I am I here on the computer instead of on the sewing machine working some magic? Well , J would say this is art too and it counts. But the truth of it is, that I'm a bit nervous about calling myself an artist so I'm intentionally self-sabotaging myself by doing this instead of making art for the show. There. I've said it. I'm going to make some art now. Wish me luck.

2010-09-13T10:25:00.000-07:00

more animal totems

2010-08-31T15:10:00.000-07:00

Forgive my recent posts but I've been aware of animals in my life lately. Both yesterday and today bees have been unusually attracted to me and it's not because of bright colors I'm wearing or sweet scents( believe, my sweaty stink these days is to be avoided!). So I found this to make some sense of the new transformations taking place inside of me. If nothing else it's fun to think about. But honestly I do think there's something to all of this

BEE

The Bee is a symbol of being happy in ones work. The arrival of the bee in your life is a signal to evaluate how organized, industrious and productive you are in your life. Fundamentally the message is that through your work you will grow wisdom; your connection to the community will flourish, and your surroundings will be a fertile abundance. Sometimes we can take on unhealthy obsessive or defensive natures in our work, becoming too serious, addictive or demanding of ourselves or others. The bee reminds us that to our enjoy work is to experience a joyful life.

Here are some birthday flowers my bee friends might like.

in honor of transformation

2010-08-26T07:41:00.000-07:00

As some of you might have guessed it hasn't been an easy summer. When Elvis died I went back to some old habits of retreating. It's not easy to feel everything you're feeling when it happens especially if you're not used to feeling everything. Today is my birthday. August is always a hard month for me and as much as I know it's coming the arrival of the end of summer, another year older, beginning of fall is always rough. I gave myself the gift of a day in the city yesterday in the hopes of finding inspiration. Of course all the galleries were closed and so I was left with," well what do I do know?". I spent 2 hours in the Strand bookstore which was perfect. Old loves come back to remind me of what I'd forgotten( Milton Avery!) And then a dinner with a great friend who after conquering his fears embraced the fact that his life would be infinitely better and forever changed by spending it with the woman he loves. (congratulations you guys!)

This morning we spotted a coyote out our window which we've never seen.

"The Coyote is a clown in the natural world, and in many Native American tribes view the symbolism of the Coyote as that of trickster, shape-shifter, and transformer.

Also, in the same myth, the Coyote brought with it seeds of life so as to sew new growth upon the new world. This legend depicts the Coyote as a bringer of life and a new birth symbol"

So here's to new beginnings!

2010-08-23T08:37:00.000-07:00

August doldrums

2010-08-12T07:02:00.000-07:00

I have a REALLY hard time doing stuff in August. I think it's the whole I'm over summer- it's my birthday- back to school- thing. So this year, instead of beating myself up about it, I'm just going to except the fact that I probably won't make anything in August and just be ok with that.

all of this is too say that I want you to keep checking in because I will be back to posting stuff here. Really. Soon. Happy August.

a wedding

2010-07-28T06:01:00.000-07:00

My fabulous friend,Cappy Hotchkiss , is a brilliant wedding photographer. I was lucky enough to go along with her to Cape Cod as her assistant to shoot a wedding. Here are some from my perspective.

2010-07-26T05:10:00.001-07:00

instability

2010-07-22T17:11:00.000-07:00

He's gone

2010-07-20T16:24:00.000-07:00

We are so sad. We keep listening for the sound of his claws on the wood floor. He died right before a big thunderstorm yesterday. He was very afraid of thunder. We thought that maybe the heavens had waited for him to die so as not to scare him and then they shed giant rain tears for the loss of him. Little J took it well at first and then, when night time came he got very upset. We brought in his stuffed animals, doggie and kitty, because he wanted them to know why he was so upset. He thanked me after I told them. Then he realized that if the dog could die , then I could die too. He cried very hard because he said he would miss me so much if I were to die. And then , of course, I cried too. We fell asleep together. Our family is turned upside down. We keep looking for a way out of the sadness but there is no way. Ice cream helps. We've buried him in the back yard so we can visit him if we need too.

Goodbye, sweet boy. you have forever touched our lives.

our friend

2010-07-14T13:04:00.000-07:00

Forgive the long absence. Our dog has recently been diagnosed with degenerative arthritis. It's been a bit crazy around here. He can barely walk. He can't go up and down stairs. He only eats from my hand. He's in a lot of pain and Big j and I are trying to be ok with letting him go. It's very hard. I'm trying to tell myself that's it's ok for him to go. That his work here is done. My kooky neighbor sent pictures of him to her dog whisperer healer. The lady said , from the picture, "He is a tired guy. Doesn't want to give in. Family. One person in particular may need to let go a bit more. " Part of me wants to laugh it off because , yeah, he's tired! But she is also right, it's hard to let go. I guess we're waiting for him to let us know that he's ready. In the meantime, someone is always with him. Big J sleeps next to him on the floor, on the couch, carrying him up and down stairs. He's horribly sad.

It's ok to go, my friend. We know you're tired

2010-07-12T06:21:00.001-07:00

Thank you so much!

2010-07-04T06:26:00.000-07:00

To all of you who came out last night and showed your love and support, thank you. Especially you, Y who travelled longer than you were here. It means the world!

Group photo show

2010-07-02T18:40:00.000-07:00

If you happen to be in Beacon, NY this holiday weekend, stop by BAU Gallery for the Flash show. Opening reception on Saturday from 6-9.

I've got some photos in it!

2010-07-02T06:48:00.000-07:00

2010-06-26T07:09:00.001-07:00

2010-06-25T06:55:00.000-07:00

i love empty playgrounds

2010-06-19T05:38:00.000-07:00

crazy summer clouds

2010-06-18T06:27:00.000-07:00

And the universe giveth....

2010-06-16T07:45:00.000-07:00

I decided that I AM an artist. I've always been one but actually naming yourself one is not so easy. They're are many demons who will try to prevent this from happening. Well, phooey to them! In celebration of being an artist.....I'm having a show.It's a short show with 5 or 6 of my photos. If you happen to be in the Beacon during the July 4th weekend come stop by BAU Gallery. Opening reception is July 3.

Lawrence Farms

2010-06-13T05:37:00.000-07:00

Our craft fair got rained out yesterday. Well, actually it didn't rain during the actual time frame of our event but it rained enough in the morning to convince us that no one would come out. So, we went to lawrence farms instead. there's plenty of fruit and vegetable picking to do but we went for the kids village. There's a small schoolhouse, church, post office, fire station. It's pretty fun for the little ones.

I'm not really a horse person but there IS something pretty profound about horses. I feel instantly calmed just by being around them. They also have goats, chickens, and a peacock. and a few farm dogs who are super gentle and sweet.

I think they said these guys were 3 weeks old.

2010-06-11T19:36:00.000-07:00

I found these in a sanctuary while walking around the city. A quiet, secret place to be at peace with yourself. I'm trying to carry a little bit of it with me all the time. Some small, sacred space to go to so I can breath. So far, so good.

If you happen to be in the Hudson Valley this weekend, swing by Craft Stand on Saturday and say hi!

some friends

2010-06-09T07:53:00.000-07:00

10 things

2010-06-02T11:14:00.000-07:00

I was inspired by my friend Shannon over at Lakshmirocksme.

Here are 10 things that I am grateful for:

My boy who has a beautiful soul.

My house which miraculously can get cleanish pretty quick

My husband who know the struggles I go through because he does too

Jan Groover

My friends who make me feel like I'm one of them

Craftnight

My sister who is the only person in the world who understands my mom

Fudgesicles

Haruki Murakami

Rubber soled shoes because nothing gets dog hair off a carpet better than dragging them across the floor. Plus, you get a mean inner thigh workout.

2010-05-28T06:20:00.000-07:00

2010-05-25T05:58:00.000-07:00

something to think about

2010-05-25T04:04:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about words. I'm not a writer. I have a hard time saying what I mean with words. It takes me a long time to work it out. Here's the thing though, just saying something, or writing something isn't enough. I think I've hid behind words for a long time now. My sister once said this thing that really struck me. It was about reading which we both love to do. She was commenting on someone we both love saying how they only live their life through the books they read. It never occurred to me that reading could be a way of hiding or avoiding life. I do a lot of reading when I can. I do a lot of hiding, too. I think it's time to stop. I'm wondering, if I put the words out there,maybe I can't hide anymore. Will writing it down make me stop hiding or if by writing it down, am I still hiding and not DOING? And how, after living a life with so much fear, do you stop?

I think you just do. Stop.

2010-05-19T07:04:00.000-07:00

stick city

2010-05-17T05:53:00.001-07:00

lenitcular?

2010-05-13T08:04:00.000-07:00

check this out

2010-05-11T06:19:00.000-07:00

2010-05-08T07:43:00.001-07:00

Right, so last week was little j and this week I got hit. Bad, crazy flu with a 3 day fever, insomnia

(which I NEVER get), crazy ongoing revelations/ hallucinations, dehydration, you name it. I'm better today although still pretty weak and exhausted. Oh and it's the first day of our craftstand! I'm trying to pull it together and muster up the energy for a really good day but man, this has been hard! I know once I get there I'll feel better, especially after I take massive doses of non-drowsy give-me-all-you-got medicine. I don't usually take the stuff because I want the fever to do it's job but enough is enough.

Rain has stopped.

I'll keep you posted......

bad weekend

2010-05-02T19:41:00.000-07:00

The demons came to visit in the form of a horrible cold. Little j was house bound for almost 5 days which meant we were, too. And tonight, because he was feeling a little better, he did not go to sleep until 9:15. I can't believe I still have hair on my head.

orchids

2010-04-29T04:45:00.000-07:00

Dia Beacon

2010-04-26T06:37:00.000-07:00

dinos in the morning

2010-04-25T05:59:00.000-07:00

warehouse worker

2010-04-21T06:53:00.000-07:00

Sunday

2010-04-19T04:43:00.000-07:00

It was a rainy cold, weekend. Sadly no sign of the little squirrel. Hopefully, after feasting on carrots and apple, he found his way back home. I miss him and keep thinking that I imagined the whole thing. Did I really spend a full day playing with a baby squirrel? I'm glad I have the pictures to prove it.

!!!!!!!!

2010-04-16T18:07:00.000-07:00

This little guy came to visit. I've been so happy all day.

2010-04-14T06:09:00.000-07:00

orange

2010-04-11T10:41:00.000-07:00

quiet morning

2010-04-07T07:59:00.000-07:00